Ibintu 10 abakobwa benshi bashyira imbere mu guhitamo umusore bazabana akaramata

Mu gihe benshi bafata urukundo nk’urugendo rw’amarangamutima gusa, hari abakobwa benshi usanga barashishoje, barigengesereye, kandi barateguye neza icyerekezo cyabo cy’ejo hazaza. Si amagambo meza cyangwa amafoto meza kuri Instagram babarizwa kuri DM bashingiyeho, ahubwo bashyira imbere indangagaciro, imyitwarire n’icyerekezo cy’umusore ku buryo babasha kumubonamo uwo babana akaramata.

Uburyo abantu bahitamo abo babana burahinduka ariko hari ibintu bimwe bigaragara nk'ibihuriweho n’abakobwa benshi ku isi no muri Afurika, cyane cyane mu Rwanda, nk’uko ubushakashatsi butandukanye, harimo ubwakozwe na Pew Research Center, Afrobarometer, ndetse n'ibigo by’ubujyanama ku mibanire n’imiryango, bwagaragaje ko abakobwa batagishingira gusa ku bwiza cyangwa ubutunzi mu guhitamo abo bazabana, ahubwo ko bareba ibintu byagutse, bigaragaza uburemere bw’umutima n’indangagaciro z'umuntu.

Ingabire Teta Ange, umukobwa w’imyaka 27 utuye i Kicukiro mu Mujyi wa Kigali, akora mu bijyanye no gutunganya ibiribwa mu rwego rwa processing. Yaganiriye na Ijambo.net, agaragaza uko nawe abibona, ndetse anahuriza ku bitekerezo bya benshi barimo na Ishimwe Clarisse wo mu karere ka Ngororero ucururiza mu mu murenge wa Kabaya.

Ingabire Teta Ange yagize ati “Guhitamo umuntu muzabana si ukubwira umutima gusa ngo ‘ndagukunda’, ahubwo ni ukwibaza niba uwo muntu afite ubushobozi bwo kuguherekeza mu rugendo rw’ubuzima. Niba atazi aho ajya, ubwo yabasha kujyana nange he?”

Mu kiganiro kihariye kandi twagiranye na Ishimwe Clarisse wo mu karere ka Ngororero nawe yagize ati “Urukundo si amagambo meza gusa. Ni ukwiyumvanamo, gufatanya mu buzima, gutabarana no guharanira iterambere. Umusore w’amarangamutima gusa atagira ibikorwa, sinamubonamo umugabo."

Ibi n’ibindi byinshi ni bimwe mu byo twashingiyeho tubategurira ibintu 10 bihambaye abakobwa benshi bagenderaho mu guhitamo umusore bazabana akaramata mu buzima bwabo bwose ku Isi.

1. Uko yitwara mu mibereho ya buri munsi

Umusore w’akazi, ufite gahunda y’ubuzima kandi uharanira iterambere, akurura abakobwa. Nta mukobwa wifuza umuntu wirirwa ku mbuga nkoranyambaga, utagira icyo akora cyangwa wibera ku mubyeyi.

Ishimwe Clarisse yagize ati “Umukobwa wiyubashye ntajya mu rukundo nk’urugendo rwo kwinezeza gusa. Aba ashaka kubaka.’’

2. Kuba afite umutekano mu mutwe n’amarangamutima

Umusore uzi kwifata, utihutira kurakara, kandi ushobora kuganira n’undi atamututse, ni ingenzi. Ibi bigaragaza ubushobozi bwo kubana neza n’abandi.

Ibi Ingabire Teta Ange yabishimangiye agira ati “Iyo arakaye ashobora no kugukubita. Ntitwifuza ubwo buzima bushaririye rwose.’’

3. Uko afata abandi n’imibanire muri sosiyete

Imyitwarire y’umusore mu bantu benshi ivuga byinshi ku kimero cye. Umusore uganira neza n’abantu, ugira ubutwari bwo kuvuga ibyo atekereza atavugirije abandi induru, kandi ugira ikinyabupfura, ni we abakobwa benshi bashobora kwizera. Umusore uvuga nabi abantu, utukana cyangwa usuzugura abakozi n’ababyeyi, umukobwa ahita amubona nk’umugabo utakwiriye kubana n’undi muntu.

Hano Ishimwe Clarisse yabisobanuye neza agira ati "Umusore utuka nyina, cyangwa ugasanga arashora amagambo mabi ku bandi bose... azantuka nanjye. Hoya uwo ntago aba agomba gukundwa ngo akundwakazwe.’’

4. Icyizere yifitiye n’uko yihagararaho

Ingabire Teta Ange  asobanura ko abasore bifitiye icyizere ariko batishyira hejuru (confidence without arrogance) bakurura abakobwa cyane, ndetse ko confidence itarimo ubwirasi ikurura igitsina gore mu buryo buhambaye. Umusore uzi ibyo ashoboye kandi wicisha bugufi, arakunzwe cyane.

Yagize ati ‘’Iyo umusore avuga ibintu birambuye, agasobanura ibitekerezo bye nta bwoba, ukumva aracyari humble, uwo aba afite agaciro kurusha usakuza gusa.”

5. Kuba afite ubushobozi bwo gufata inshingano

Umukobwa ashobora kwemera umusore utaragera ku bukire ariko afite icyerekezo, ari umuntu wiyubashye, akora, kandi afite intego. Urugero ni nk’umusore ufite akazi cyangwa yikorera ubucuruzi, waba uhinga afite aho ageze nk’uko Ishimwe Clarisse yabiduhamirije.

Yagize ati “Umusore ufite iduka rito ry’inkweto ariko abayeho neza, ni we natinyuka. Uwanirwa no kwigurira savon (isabune) se, urumva twafatanya iki?”

Akomeza anavuga ko umusore ushoboye kwifasha, kwiyishyurira ibyo akeneye no gufata inshingano z’urugo ko nariwe ukwiriye kwizerwa cyane ko nta n’umukobwa wifuza umuntu uzamubera umutwaro.

Akomeza abisobanura agira ati “Niba hari icyo ushobora kwigurira, ubwo hari icyo twakwubakiraho.’’

6. Kuba afite amafaranga n’icyerekezo

Nubwo kuba umukire atari itegeko, kuba uharanira kugira icyo ugeraho bifite agaciro. Umusore w’ubucuruzi buto ariko ufite intego, akundwa kurusha utagira aho ahera.

Aha Ingabire Teta Ange  yabishimangiye agira ati “Ufitanye gahunda na ‘future’ ni we dushobora kuganira.’’

7. Kuba afite imiterere myiza y’umubiri, n’imyambarire iboneye  by’akarusho agira isuku

Siporo, isuku n’imyambarire birimo akamaro. Nta mukobwa wifuza umusore ugaragara nk’udashoboye kwiyitaho.

Ishimwe Clarisse yabisobanuye agira ati “Nubwo atari byo bya mbere, isura nziza, kwisukura no kwambara neza nabyo bifatwa nk’ingenzi.’’

Akomeza agira ati ‘’Uwicara kuri téléphone gusa nta n’intambwe 100 atera akora siporo, uwo ntago turi mu muryo umwe rwose.’’

8. Kuba ari umuhanga mu kuvuga no kwitwararika

Ingabire Teta Ange  ashmangira ko kugira ubuhanga mu kuvuga, gutega amatwi no kwirinda amagambo y’agasuzuguro bigira uruhare runini. Umusore uzi kuganira, utavanga urwenya n’ubusazi, ukunda kumenya uko abandi bameze, akundwa cyane.

Akomeza avuga ko ujya kuvugisha umukobwa akamubwira ibijyanye n’umubiri we cyangwa kumusaba amafoto yambaye ubusa, ko ari ikosa rikomeye rishobora no kumugira “block” ako kanya, ko ahubwo kuvuga neza, kumenya gutega amatwi no kwirinda amagambo y’agasuzuguro bigira uruhare mu rukundo ruhamye.

Yagize ati ‘’Umusore uzi kuganira, utavanga urwenya n’ubusazi, ukunda kumenya uko abandi bameze, akundwa cyane. Ujya kuvugisha umukobwa ukamubwira ibijyanye n’umubiri we cyangwa kumusaba amafoto yambaye ubusa, ni ikosa rikomeye rikugira “block” ako kanya.’’

9. Kuba afite umutima mwiza n’impuhwe

Abakobwa bifuza umusore uzaba umugabo wita ku muryango, abana, akagira umutima wo gufasha. Si ibisanzwe kubona umukobwa ukundana n’umusore w’ikirumbo, udashobora no kugurira mugenzi we icyayi. Clarisse yemeza ko umukobwa wese agira “test” yoroheje mu rukundo.

Yagize ati ‘’Kugira impuhwe no gutanga ni ibintu abakobwa bakundira abasore. Umusore utagira ubuntu ntashobora guhangana n’ibizazane by’urugo. Iyo watsinzwe test nto, umukobwa aba abonye byinshi.’’

10. Kuba afite intego n’icyerekezo mu buzima

Umusore ufite icyerekezo, uzi ibyo ashaka, akunda gukora kandi akunda kwiga no kwiteza imbere, ni we umukobwa abona nk’uwamubera umugabo. Aba atandukanye n’ukora ibintu uko bimujemo cyangwa udashobora kuvuga gahunda y’imyaka ibiri iri imbere. Clarisse yemeza ko umukobwa wese yifuza umuntu bafatanya aho bajya: “Umusore utazi icyo ashaka, mbese uhora avuga ngo ‘ndabona tuzareba’, aba yiteguye kugutererana igihe cyose.”

Kuba umusore ashobora gufata inshingano: kwishyura inzu, gufasha umuryango, gutunga cyangwa kugira icyo aha uwo bakundana, ni ikintu cy’ingenzi. Abakobwa ntibifuza umuntu uzabagira umuzigo. Nubwo amafaranga adahita aboneka, umusore uharanira gukora agashaka uko yabaho nta kwitwaza abandi, ahabwa amanota menshi.

Ishimwe Clarisse ati “Nubwo waba utari umukire, niba ushobora kwiyishyurira telefone yawe, ukigurira imyenda yawe, ni intambwe ikomeye. Iyo umusore abeshya ngo azagutunga ariko we yitaweho n’ababyeyi be, ni ikibazo.”

Akomeza agira ati ‘’Umusore uzi aho ajya, wumva akeneye kwiteza imbere kandi azi gufata ibyemezo ni we uhabwa icyizere. “Tuzareba” nticyubaka urugo.’’

Uko ubushakashatsi bubigaragaza

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe na Rwanda Relationships Insight (RRI) mu 2024 bwagaragaje ko 72% by’abakobwa bari hagati y’imyaka 24-35 bemeza ko bashyira imbere imico, icyerekezo n’ubushobozi bwo gufata inshingano kurusha isura cyangwa amagambo y’urukundo. Ibi byerekana ko urukundo rutagishingiye ku bintu byoroshye bibonwa inyuma, ahubwo rugenda rusaba ubujyakuzimu, gusuzuma neza uwo umuntu ari we ndetse n’uko ashobora gufasha mu kubaka ejo hazaza.

Abenshi muri bo bagaragaje ko bahisemo kutihutira kwakira urukundo rutagira imizi, ahubwo bagahitamo “gutegereza umuntu w’umugabo nyamugabo.” Kuri bo, "ndaguhoza, ndagukumbuye" ntabwo bihagije; icyo bakeneye ni "mfite gahunda, ndashaka kubaka, reka tubitekerezeho twitonze."

Abakobwa b’iki gihe barashishoza. Ntibakeneye amagambo meza gusa cyangwa "like" kuri DM, ahubwo bifuza abasore bafite intego, umutima mwiza, isuku n’ubushobozi bwo kubaka.

Ishimwe Clarisse abisobanura agira ati “Umusore ashobora kuba adafite byinshi, ariko afite icyerekezo n’icyizere, aba afite amahirwe yo kumvwa. Kandi niba azi gufata ibyemezo, agakunda amahoro n’abantu, akiyitaho, n’abandi baramwubaha. Ku rundi ruhande, umuntu uza gusa nk’aho yishakira kwinezeza, nta gahunda ifatika, nta n’impuhwe, ntitwamwishingira ubuzima.”

Mu gihe Ingabire Teta Ange abivuga agira ati “Niba wifuza umukobwa uhamye, ba umugabo uhamye. Urukundo rw’ukuri rukeneye imizi, si amagambo gusa.”

Ese buriya kumenya gutera akabariro neza (gukora igikorwa neza cy’abashakanye mu buriri) ntigahabwa agaciro mu guhitamo umusore bazabana akaramata?

Yego, nabyo ni ingenzi ariko si ryo shingiro. Nubwo hari abashobora kugira uruhare runini baragendeye ku buryohe bw’imibonano mpuzabitsina, ubushishozi n’ubunararibonye by’abakobwa benshi bagaragaza ko atari cyo kintu cya mbere bareberaho mu guhitamo uwo bazabana akaramata.

Ishimwe Clarisse kuri iyi ngingo yagize ati “Imibonano ni ingenzi, ariko si cyo kintu cya mbere. Iyo umuntu afite umutima mwiza, afite gahunda, yitwararika, niyo mibonano iza ifite aho ishingiye. Ariko se, ni iki cyiza wategereza ku muntu uhorana umujinya, udashoboye no kuvuga neza, ariko avuga ko ari umuhanga mu buriri?”

Ingabire Teta Ange nawe abihamya agira ati “Iyo umuntu atazi kwitwara, nta mpuhwe, nta gahunda, n’iyo yaba ari umuhanga mu buriri ntacyo biba bimaze. Umubano uhamye si ku buriri gusa, ni ubuzima bwose. Iyo umubano ushingiye ku mibonano gusa, uzima vuba.”

Ubushakashatsi kandi bwa Rwanda Relationships Insight (RRI) bwagaragaje ko 64% by’abakobwa babajijwe bemeza ko ubushobozi bwo gutera akabariro neza bushobora kugira uruhare mu gukomeza umubano, ariko bugomba kuba buherekejwe n’indi mico myiza irimo ubwizerane, kumenya gutega amatwi, impuhwe n’icyerekezo cy’ubuzima.

Ibi bishimangira ko igikorwa cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina, nubwo gikenewe mu mubano w’abantu bakundana, kidakwiye kuba cyo gishingirwaho mu kugena ejo hazaza. Kuko urugo rubaho ku masaha menshi atarimo icyo gikorwa, kandi hakenewe ubushobozi bwo kubana, kuganira, gufatanya no gufatana mu mugongo mu bihe bikomeye.

Nk’uko Ingabire Teta Ange yabivuze asoza: “Gukundana ni urugendo. Iyo rufite imizi, imibonano iba nk’igice kiza cyuzuza urukundo, ariko si cyo rwubakiyeho.”

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